Friendship

History of Thought

Summary

The philosophy concerning friendship and the self was originally introduced by Aristotle. Later in 1998, Dean Cocking and Jeannette Kennett explored Aristotle’s theory and used it to develop their own view on friendship and the self. In their writing of “Friendship and the Self”, Kennett and Cocking focus on the self in friendship, the mirror and secret view of friendship.

The self in friendship is an overarching theme throughout the entire reading. The self in friendship includes the mirror and secret view of friendship, pertaining to how you see yourself in your friendships. Kennett and Cocking state that “as a close friend of another, one is characteristically and distinctively receptive to being directed and interpreted and so in these ways drawn by the other” (Cocking 503). Unlike Aristotle, they believe that in order to have close friendships, the other person does not need to be markedly similar to the other. One does not have to have the exact same interests as another in order to have a close relationship. Rather, as an example given in the paper, if you are close friends with someone and they are interested in ballet and you have had no prior interest in ballet, if they ask you to go to a ballet with them, you will most likely go with, not because you have to, but you are willing to because they are your friend and you want to spend time with them. By going to this ballet or being receptive to any new activity or concept brought on by your friend, aspects of your character may change due to those activities that otherwise might not have changed. Just from this experience, thanks to your friend, you could go from someone who has a general distaste for performing arts, to a person who genuinely appreciates the art of dance. In another example, if you are a person, who always needs to be right, and you don’t necessarily notice that about yourself, and your friend jokingly points it out to you, you’ll recognize and accept this as a characteristic of yourself. After this encounter, the need for you to be right may become a running joke between you and your friend, which could cause you to take yourself less seriously, resulting in a change of character and self perception. “It is not that I must reveal myself to, or see myself, in the other – but that I am distinctively receptive both to the other’s interests and to their way of seeing me… I develop in a way that is particular to the relationship: the self my friend sees is, at least in part, a product of the friendship” (505).

Mirror view and secret view of friendship are things that Aristotle believed are fundamental in companion friendship. That exact similarities and secret sharing are imperative to a strong, healthy friendship. Kennett and Cocking have a different way of looking at the mirror and secret view of friendship. They believe that two people do not have to be exactly the same, mirror each other, in order for them to be friends. That looking at the mirror view as just two people seeing themselves reflected in their friends, thus they love their friends as an extension of self love, invalidates the depth of friendly interactions. That what friends see in this mirror is not a reflection of themselves but an interpretation of themselves, “I do not see myself in you as the mirror view suggests, I see myself through you. We are thus, to some significant extent, each other’s creators” (509). In terms of the secret view of friendship, they believe that the revealing of personal secrets is not necessary in friendship. Such as, it’s not contributing to the intimacy of a relationship to reveal that in private you pick your nose, while it does contribute to the friendship to share your interests and what you care about.

All in All, Kennett and Cocking don’t see friendship as superficially as others have in the past. They see companion friendship as the receptivity of one friend of another and the change of character and self awareness that occurs in a companion friendship.

Research

Jeannette Kennett and Dean Cocking co-wrote a response to Aristotle’s original philosophy on friendship. They published their response, “Friendship and the Self” in 1998. Both authors were extremely qualified to write this response, and have both had significant impacts in how psychology and philosophy are approached. Not only did their writing allow for others to more deeply explore the philosophy of friendship, but their views and ideas of friendship can be seen in online quizzes on friendship and quick guides to friend making.

Jeannette Kennett is a professor at Macquarie University in Sydney, Australia. At Macquarie she teaches moral psychology and teaches both in the Department of Philosophy and in the Centre for Cognitive Science. Throughout her lifetime she has published and co-written countless articles, journals, books and chapters of books pertaining to moral judgment and empiricism. Some of her publications include: Addiction, Choice and Disease: How Voluntary is Voluntary Action in Addiction, Agency and Responsibility: A Common-Sense Moral Psychology and Living with one's choices: Moral judgment. Her most renowned work being ‘Autism, Empathy and Moral Agency’. Her writing changed the way moral agency is discussed and the role of empathy in these discussions. In 2011 she became a Fellow of the Australian Academy of the Humanities. Most recently, Kennett has been researching addiction and the issue of self-control and responsibility in addiction.

Dean Cocking is a professor at Monash University in Australia. He has also published large amount of articles that pertain to the self and morality. Some of his works include, Friendship and Role Morality and Consequentialism, Moral Responsibility, and the Intention/Foresight Distinction'. Although his latest works have been focused on relationships and morality, his past works focused on medicine and morality in medicine, such as Applying Virtue Ethics in Clinical Care.

Kennett and Cocking’s new standpoint on Aristotle’s original philosophy on friendship, opened doors for other’s to further dissect Aristotle’s views and Kennett and Cocking’s. In, “Cracking the mirror: on Kierkegaard’s concerns about friendship” in Kierkegaard and the Problem of Self-Love, John Lippitt further investigates Kennett and Cocking’s view on the problems with ‘mirror view companion friendship’. By building off what Kennett and Cocking produced, Lippitt was able to create a whole other sanction of friendship, which he calls the ‘drawing view’. “This element, following Dean Cocking and Jeannette Kennett, I shall call the ‘drawing view’ of friendship” (Lippitt 16).

Their ideas in “Friendship and the Self” and another writing they did on the same topic, “Friendship and Moral Danger”, show up in textbooks that pertain to the self, in regards to intimacy and love, for example they’re ideas are referenced frequently in Love, Friendship, and the Self: Intimacy, Identification, and the Social Nature of Persons by Bennett W. Helm. They’re ideas are usually used to uncover more holes in friendship and intimacy that they didn’t include in their own writings,

“Although Cocking and Kennett are right in understanding your friend to play an active role in shaping you through the friendship, and although this is an improvement over the secrets and mirror views of friendship, they do not go far enough in making sense of the place of activity in understanding the intimacy of friendship” (Helm)

Kennett and Cocking have opened the gates of further exploration of friendship and while people developing more philosophies due to theirs is great, new philosophies don’t seem to factor into our daily lives.

Their philosophy can be seen frequently in Seventeen Magazine and on WikiHow and Buzzfeed.com. How, you may ask, could magazines and websites like these have any business with a philosophy on friendship? Pop culture has taken full advantage of society’s narcissism and people’s constant need to know how good of a person their being. In this case, how good of a friend they are. This sparked the ever so popular friendship quizzes. Friendship quizzes are a list of situations one might encounter in a friendship and multiple choice responses. The answers you select for each question all add up and in the end the website or magazine generates an answer for you on how good of a friend you are. Again, it’s kind of difficult to see how friendship philosophy plays into this. The questions and situations the magazines and websites ask each focus on some part of friendship philosophy. While not all of the questions align with Kennett and Cocking’s philosophy, some do. They ask questions such as, if your friend wants to spend the day doing A B and C, and those aren’t activities that you’re partial too, what do you say? Depending on how you answer determines how good of a friend you are, the answer closest to you go with them because they’re your friend, gives you more points towards being a good friend. Questions like these directly associate with Kennett and Cocking’s philosophy on being interested in your friends interests. Quizzes like these are for people who already believe they have strong friendships and have friends in general, but pop culture also caters to people who want to make friends.

Websites like WikiHow, give step by steps instructions on how to make friends, some of which reflect the ideas stated in Friendship and the Self. Some of these steps include, being interested in what the other person is interested in and be willing to share what you’re interested in so that you can both do your part in the friendship. Acknowledge your similarities and appreciate your differences just as Kennett and Cocking talk about in their article. WikiHow also has a step that talks about being open in a friendship, which Kennett and Cocking talk about (the secret view of friendship) how being open is good to deepen the bond between friends but it’s not required for you to share your deepest darkest secrets. Although this website gives the basics on friendship, it’s something that we are taught from a very young age.

When you’re a child you are taught the basic ways of creating friendships and lasting relationships. You’re taught about caring about others and not being narcissistic, which is exactly what Friendship and the Self goes against. Aristotle’s philosophy talked about how friendship is a twisted relationship of self love and narcissism and they go against that theory.

Most people don’t think about philosophy and how it impacts their lives on a daily basis, but it does. Friendship is something that is very dear to humans and we use philosophy to develop those relationships every day.

Works Consulted

"Are You Really Best Friends?" Seventeen. Web. 20 Nov. 2014. <http://www.seventeen.com/fun/quizzes/fun/friendship-type-quiz>.

Cocking, Dean, and Jeanette Kennett. "Friendship And The Self." Ethics 108.3: 502-27. Print.

"Dean Cocking." Zoom Info. Web. 20 Nov. 2014. <http://www.zoominfo.com/p/Dean-Cocking/706800514>.

Helm, Bennett. "Love, Friendship, and the Self: Intimacy, Identification, and the Social Nature of Persons." Google Books. Oxford University Press, 1 Jan. 2009. Web. 20 Nov. 2014. <http://books.google.com/books?id=mHquxs_2yPIC&pg=PT463&lpg=PT463&dq=friendship and the self cocking&source=bl&ots=_HMtkfcHsS&sig=wyj8ER8VuRa_R78jLiJaJy3RoXw&hl=en&sa=X&ei=a6NvVLmxFdfLsATsqIGQDw&ved=0CDcQ6AEwAw#v=onepage&q=kennett&f=false>.

"How to Make Friends." WikiHow. Web. 20 Nov. 2014. <http://www.wikihow.com/Make-Friends>.

Kruvant, Mackenzie, and Rega Jha. "Are You A Good Best Friend?" BuzzFeed. Web. 20 Nov. 2014. <http://www.buzzfeed.com/mackenziekruvant/are-you-a-good-best-friend>.

Lippitt, John. "Kierkegaard and the Problem of Self-Love." Google Books. Cambridge University Press, 1 Jan. 2013. Web. 20 Nov. 2014. <http://books.google.com/books?id=hVUTd1rHBokC&pg=PA27&lpg=PA27&dq=friendship and the self kennett&source=bl&ots=KZC8SOMiJ2&sig=vlHgy_5E6_O9w6xYSaOmIw8iTYQ&hl=en&sa=X&ei=qJ9vVKStIe2IsQT39YLADw&ved=0CGYQ6AEwCQ#v=onepage&q=kennett&f=false>.

"Macquarie University." Jeanette Kennett -. Web. 20 Nov. 2014. <http://www.mq.edu.au/about_us/faculties_and_departments/faculty_of_arts/department_of_philosophy/staff/jeanette_kennett/>.

"Professor Jeanette Kennett - Senior Research Associate." Oxford Uehiro Centre for Practical Ethics. Web. 20 Nov. 2014. <http://www.practicalethics.ox.ac.uk/staff/staff/senior_research_associates/jeanette_kennett>.

"School of Humanities and Social Sciences (HASS)." UNSW Canberra. Web. 20 Nov. 2014. <http://hass.unsw.adfa.edu.au/staff/profiles/cocking.html>.

"The Academy Fellows." Kennett, Jeanette, FAHA. Web. 20 Nov. 2014. <http://www.humanities.org.au/Fellowship/FindFellows/tabid/123/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1663/Kennett-Jeanette.aspx>.